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英超十大恶搞:妖童翻脸穿曼联球衣 红魔补时36分钟
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在英超新赛季将于今晚打响之际，国外足球网站Goal虚构了10个荒诞瞬间。通篇阅读后，这些情节在让人捧腹之余，又有似曾相识的感觉。
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$ |% {. |) p0 B) ?$ M! i- J X 以下是虚构的十个故事，从中你能联想出多少个是似曾相识？
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10、巴洛特利与曼城主帅曼奇尼以及队友闹翻，五次被红牌罚下，人们也在电视中看到了他身穿曼联球衣的画面。
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2 i' D$ m9 F! h2 R 9、布兰布尔打进赛季第五个乌龙球，成为队内最佳射手。尽管如此，桑德兰主帅布鲁斯仍在称赞买下他是球队赛季的最佳交易……(编者注：曾入选过英格兰U21队的后卫布兰布尔在场上总有神来之笔，当然也包括他的乌龙球。《太阳报》曾在去年2月将他评为英超十大废柴之一。) " |# H* {" c- C, W
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8、兰帕德打进了22粒进球，其中12个是点球，10个是远射变向得分，但没有一个是为英格兰代表队进的。
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$ i0 l6 L8 d0 M. V' j2 n 7、利物浦禁止将气球带进安菲尔德球场，起因是他们上赛季被达伦-本特和气球联手打进过一个诡异的球，同样被禁止入场的还有贝尼特斯、卢卡斯、斯皮林和恩戈戈。此外，杰拉德和托雷斯一个赛季共同出场的场次只有七次。
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6、英格兰队连续击败了黑山和威尔士，英国媒体大肆渲染“三狮军团”是2012欧锦赛的夺冠大热门。老雷德克纳普宣称“这是我们自1966年之后最强的英格兰队”。与此同时，他在2010年世界杯前的一次电话录音被曝光，“每个人都在谈论西班牙，他们有什么？不过是只有一个托雷斯罢了！” 4 n# |; l1 k E% X4 C+ L$ K
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5、乔伊-巴顿错过了纽卡斯尔在圣诞节期间的所有比赛，因为他在一个夜晚把一本名为《阿兰-希勒，难忘时刻》(Alan Shearer Commemorative Display)的书砸向了麦当劳的收银员。此外，阿森纳全队因在圣诞聚会上吃了开心乐园餐导致食物中毒，输掉了在此期间的全部比赛，并因此失去信心。不过，枪手在春天跻身积分榜前列，在足总杯中一路凯歌，在欧冠小组赛中领跑。不过，他们很快跌出了联赛争冠行列，然后是在杯赛中接连出局。所有努力灰飞烟灭，只用了七天。 ! t! }8 x' E" x1 V
U4 I4 z, I) x 4、特里在Pig's Ear餐馆做测试题被人揪住了“尾巴”，题目是“什么东西这么小，有棕色头发，不会唱歌，但会发出一种比米卡(注：英国歌手)吹呜呜祖拉还让人无法忍受的声音。”随后，阿什利-科尔通过手机彩信把答案告诉了他。 * T# @) N8 m- r' W' _
: f5 h" e. k+ A' T$ Y6 h: j! Y 3、来年1月，马斯切拉诺、托雷斯、鲁尼、法布雷加斯和德罗巴全部离开英超加盟西甲，天空体育仍然给英超贴上了世界第一联赛的标签，而小雷德克纳普很多次在解说时裤子掉了都未能察觉。
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2、法布雷加斯被普约尔和哈维绑架，被藏在普约尔的头发里飞往加泰罗尼亚。作为报复，温格打劫了巴萨整支U11梯队。赛季结束后阿森纳排名第七，温格将糟糕的成绩归结为球队失去了领袖，但一如既往的宣称球队展现出了“巨大潜力”。
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5 x, R$ y& X( G/ g( P+ x. R 1、世界杯后的鲁尼继续萎靡不振，由此曼联“补时一直到进球”的纪录再次被改写，埃文斯在第36分钟利用角球头球破门。科学家们总结出了一条“曼联补时法则”：曼联 + 失1球 = 补10分钟，曼联 + 赢1球 = 补1分钟。 |
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