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大庄家娱乐城祝教师节快乐——教师节段子
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带起节奏,送来欢乐
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今天是教师节,大家一起来发段子吧!
- N8 ^2 C) d5 X. `2 m我先来!+ C2 \4 ]- e" t" p
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A说:“今天考试我交了白卷。”B说:“哎,我也交了白卷。”2 W ^( v. F; R, R: Q6 D+ M1 s
同学A生气的说:“你怎么能交白卷呢,老师会以为我们抄袭的!”
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4 G: z2 E9 P0 \: j8 ~6 k4 O7 `6 f+ C深夜,王老师批改完最后一份试卷,疲惫地拧开了收音机,想听音乐放松一下。收音机里传来了dj的声音:"xx中学高三级x班全班同学一同把这首歌奉献给他们敬爱的王xx老师听,感谢他多年来给他们出了无数道练习题(尤其是这年),使他们得到了宝贵的练习机会……"听到这,王老师的眼睛湿润了,心力交瘁的脸上露出一安慰的笑意。dj又继续说:"……现在就让我们一起来听这首歌,李惠敏的《你不会有好结果》…"
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- K4 n9 N' @& T. Y" g9 e$ Y一位年轻女教师初次执教小学生美术课。她在黑板上画一个苹果问学生说:“这是什么呀?”学生异口同声回答:“是屁股。”女教师哭着去找校长,校长一听大怒,跟着老师来到教室训斥学生说:“你们越来越不像话了,为什么又把老师气哭了?”回头看了一看“啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!” <span] 老师去吃自助餐] 昨天老妈教弟弟做作业,弟弟不动脑筋思考,8 K6 c7 D( e2 I9 h
每道题都问妈妈,妈妈怒了:“你每道题都不会,干脆我帮你做算了!”; h, V2 x- O5 Q9 P+ q! u
弟弟淡淡地说:“不行!字迹不一样会被老师发现的!” <span] 考场上一女生抱怨说:“老师,天气太热了,风扇都没风!”谁料老师说:“别急,等会儿看到试卷你就心凉了。” <span] 一帅哥毕业后到一所女子学校任教,由于年轻的男老师级少,
7 R2 G9 y) E% M3 Z5 v( _所以非常受欢迎。
5 p9 J- j9 S3 J9 e& g" x! Q Z( U' Y第一堂课,有一位女学生忘记带课本,帅哥老师请她站起来,* D2 ?; h( K0 N$ R; {. V
问其他同学该怎么处罚。她们很有默契的齐声说:“老师亲她一个!”: F7 F, g4 h8 ?; m3 W
大家等着看老师的反应。老师瞄了那位同学一眼,
/ f5 j! {# \3 w% Y回答:“不可以处罚老师!” <span] 今天听见两个老师在讨论管理上课吃东西的事情说:
( B; R3 p1 k h9 V有个学生老在我上课的时候偷吃瓜子,我毫不客气,见一次抓一次,一抓就是一大把!!!
& i& d# y6 M! }/ ^不知道是不是我的错,那个上课吃东西的学生,被我抓过几次,但最近一两个月都没看过他上课吃东西了,我整个人瘦了很多。 <span] 一小学教师,最近在学车却不怎么喜欢去练车,教练问:“为什么经常没来学车?”
! \, z3 U& f2 k$ |/ s' U! e她:“在学校都是我骂学生,来你这边老是被你骂,我很不爽!!!” <span] 上高中嘴馋,几个同学合计买烧烤吃,不想带回来的时候被班主任发现没收了,结果第二天班主任闹了一天的肚子。 <span] 生物老师非洲野猪" }4 K: I/ g6 M0 W- z( N
生物老师正兴致勃勃在台上描述非洲野猪的长相,偶尔眼光一扫台下,竟发现多数学生在打瞌睡。$ w7 b J: a: b# k1 F
于是大为恼火,喝道:“你们要看着我啊!不看我,你们怎么知道非洲野猪长的是什么样子?” <span] 老师:小明,你的美劳作品太好了,明天学校要派你参加全市的比赛。
+ H* {( F5 t, i. E小明:不行. Y9 A4 f' L6 b) D; [" [
老师:為什麼?- C9 _, N3 o4 u0 G! k0 ]
小明:劳作是我爸做的,他明天要上班 <span] 妈妈:小明,你看,妹妹考100分,你才50分
7 W2 m) R' x4 z小明:我是照你的话做的+ b/ V& d7 [! I+ k
妈妈:我说了什麼?% I3 j. i2 A' f' T
小明:你说我只要有妹妹的一半就很好了 <span] 小外甥女刚上一年级,有次语文考试得了74分,
! {! f" x+ s7 e$ K( K9 [她拿成绩单回来的时候她爸妈很生气,
, M3 V; s0 C8 |就问你为什么只考了74] 老师:“] 老师:现在上‘急救课’“先做口对口人工呼吸”“这样重复做,会怎样?”
4 u) u1 s; M, X& |小明:有人会告你性骚扰 <span] 小明放学回到家就问:麻麻,你不说女人都喜欢被夸吗?
( l+ e" N; p: k& X4 U0 t, I* c妈妈说:是啊,为什么这么问?* m( y6 q" C+ w. G
小明沮丧着说:今天老师穿着超短裙来上课,我就夸老师,你的内裤好漂亮啊!: ^/ N; I2 F, D _7 r; L
然后,老师就给我撵出去了!!!
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) W# t. |1 M; {5 n9 [9 [) O' h1 T大家每人发一个关于教师段子在跟贴后面,一起用关于教师的笑话来庆祝伟大的教育工作者的节日。2 {! \( p8 I1 G5 V% A
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